Get On Gab

Let’s face it: Gab requires you to have balls of steel and a sense of humor. Gab is kinda like a big karaoke bar but it seems some people only want to be heard singing by their friends, so we’ll go sing in everyone else’s basement, too.

Your four main weapons are: Surprise, Fear, and Ruthless Efficiency.

Be sure to join random groups in which you clearly have no interest; drop a random turd and wait for it……

“You Riverdancing Shirley Temple impersonator.”

“Back away from the toolbar.. That’s it, nice and slow…”

“Crap. I just ordered a dog from Amazon.”

“YAY….will we get to wear chains and get our naked hindquarters spanked?”

“I wear a blindfold in the shower but only because of my backfat.”

“Who’s the asshole who’s voted for “asshole”? What an asshole.”

“You can’t tell me you like scrotums. Nobody likes scrotums.”

“Of course i wouldn’t expect you to comprehend any of this because it would require you to stop licking the paint off of your walls for too long. maybe you can ask the “smart brother” to read it for you.”

“I’m not going to generalize here, so all I’ll say is that these were clearly the type of guys who wear their high school football jackets to every function, including the prom (with dress pants, though); who have Top Gun: Redux on DVD; and most significantly, who get on top of their girlfriends for two–no that’s unfair, two and a half–minutes, come, roll over, fart, and think to themselves, “God I just gave my woman a gooder.”

“Don’t post your shit here, moron.”

“I haven’t posted anything I wouldn’t want anyone else to see. Now, if they could see I did it in my skivvies, that would be something else.”

“Pfft. One day I might be half as smart as you, Bill Mitchell.”

”Don’t you dare refer to me as paranoid… until you have been a 19 year old female on the internet, you have no right to do so.”

*Weeps silently and goes to 4-chan*

“Actually giggles like a schoolgirl at ‘Click here to see photos of goats that have stiffened.'”

“You people are fucking nuts…. out of your trees the lot of you.”

“I want details for God’s sake!

*turns on heel stomps off and slams door*
Ouch! On own hand….*fuck*”

“One button? Are you mad? Thou art loopy. What’s the point of a toolbar with only one button?”

“Very few people know that wet dog thing is a powerful aphrodisiac.”

“Goats mow lawns well. And act as burglar deterrents. But not as effectively as geese. Geese, on the other hand, shit a lot more than goats. Evil thing, goose shit.”

“You people are so uncultured. If you don’t have a pinky, how can you expect to sit and drink tea properly, when invited round by the vicar?”

“Are those your fingers or extra nipples?”

“I didn’t know my eyeballs could get this hot.”

Go for these tried and true methods.
You’ll be glad you did.  😁

Responding to Covid Stormtroopers

As Sparky already mentioned in a previous post, President Puddin’ Pop is planning on sending teams out to call on those of us who are not yet vaccinated, in a feeble attempt to encourage us to take the shot. Some of you are planning on putting up “No Trespassing” signs, but for those who can’t (if you have an HOA, it won’t fly), here are some suggestions on how to respond if the Vax Police come a-knockin’…

New Jersey: Whaddayu want? Get off my lawn!!

New York: Take your guns, leave the cannoli, and GTFO.

Southern: Bless your heart…have a cookie. Now leave. Have a nice day, y’heah?

Minnesota: Uff da…here, have some lutefisk…did you know you’re trespassing?.

Texas: 1…2…3…

Religious: Come on in, fellas. You want some iced tea? Before you begin, may I have a word with you about your relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

Arizona: You’re on tribal land. You have no sovereignty here. Please visit our gift shop on your way out.

Bee Keeper: Sure, you can talk to me…out by my hives.

Classic: Fuck off.

You get the drift. Have fun with the Feds!!