A quasi-metaphysical exploration into…

The ( . Y . ) Of Breasts

I’m no genius. Legions, friend and foe, will, from giddily to ruthlessly, affirm this. And it’s manifestly true. I readily admit it… yet suffer not a pang of shame being limited in my abilities to think deep thoughts about unfathomable notions. Haven’t a clue as to why quarks might alight on electrons… if they do… but that they might, beguiles me not enough to wonder about.

Of the matter at hand – breasts – I’ll not say I’ve delved deeply, intensely, into ‘breasts’ and have now a momentously significant insight on that matter. I will say this – I’d eventually noticed the prominence of breasts, and the incontestable conclusions to be made of their existence… and will share, here, with the reader, a personal existential inquiry into the why of them.


Women’s breasts overlie the pectoralis major muscles and usually extend from the level of second rib to the sixth in the front of the human rib cage.

There! And there’s enough of that. I’ll not believe this post requires all that much legitimizing. Breasts naturally recommend themselves and are without need of promotion or marketing.   And that’s damn good measure of the good of anything.

In The Beginning

An unfashionable place to start, granted, but compelling. In the beginning, the female had been fashioned from a chip off the ol’ block, so to speak. I wondered why the female hadn’t been constructed first. My conclusion – the male, was ‘prototype’ – prototypically basic – something to build upon. After all, there is no creature on earth mentally sturdier and innately smarter than the human male – upright, stalwart, purposeful, and persevering. Never mind his downside – the shortcomings and defects. Most all are the result of ‘modernism’, i.e, bloated civilization, i.e., the Age of… well… it hasn’t a properly damnatory epithet yet.

 Women Are Overdone

It’s NOT a complaint; it’s an observation. Now it’s of no concern to me, theologically, whether GOD is unfailingly perfect, or merely ultimately perfect, or a perfectionist of any sort. I might consider the ‘why’ of that but one ‘why’ at a time. Compelled to outdo His first effort. GOD, after whose image we are made, probably thought as we… I would… “I can do better”.

 NB: At this juncture, everything to be created had been… everything but the female human.

Now… who would not be inspired to go to the extremes of attention at this auspicious moment? Everyone creative has in them a notion of ‘ultimate’ – something unique, in concept, design, utility, something multi-purpose, something… there’s not a word in the lexicon for it… excepting… maybe… stupendous!

Pièce De Résistance

In His nature, ’personhood’ and mindset, GOD is both male and female, i.e., complete ONE; yet, we are led theologically to believe Him principally male.

He is!

And I know this how? By irrefutable evidence. There is nothing of God’s creation that was not, to some degree, beautiful, pleasant, charming, impressive; heavens and earth, flora and fauna, and mankind too. God is, evidently, a connoisseur. Furthermore, everything in the litany of the days of creation having utility/purpose, was also thoroughly… gratifying.

In all creation but the ultimate – humans – the mammalian female is without breasts. The only conveyance of motherly nutrition to the very young is the teat. Apes are without permanent breasts; they develop only for a time, when needed, then shrivel. And, then too, beasts have not need of exotic charms. Such would be wasted where there are seasonal instincts and urges to impel propagative activities.

Only the human female has permanent breasts and the use of them is utilitarian but also to charm, entice and wonder upon.

And “it was very good” is not God’s cold critique of what He’d made, it was warm admiration. And our – men’s lot – is also to admire. Men are nowhere, in any annals, commanded so, but are innately compelled to, simply by way of having been made in HIS image.

 From Breasts To…

I’ll not list them all, women have heard most all and have themselves added, proudly and drolly, to the lexicon. Here follows gist, custom and etiquette, on the matter.

Generally Recognized Appropriate Usages

‘Breasts’ – suitable for near all occasions excepting formal.

‘Knockers’ – males alerting males.

‘Tits’ – Unadorned male awe

’Titties’ – happy, happy, joy, joy

‘Tatas’ – teasing affection

‘Jugs’ – unflattering insouciance

‘Boobs’, – convivial company

‘Hooters’ – mildest, ergo, marketable

‘Knobs’, – male juvenility

There are more but near all mundane, without charm, striking not even weak libidinous notes… forget ’em.

And there! The full extent   of ( . Y . ).

PS: Thank you GOD!


5 Replies to “Breasts”

  1. I would LOVE to be able to post a comment as erudite and intelligently efficient to match this wonderful work…

    But all I can think of is…


    • Mr Psykosity, Thank you for the generous words.
      And as much as it thrilled me to see a young woman in a tight light sweater. the day I saw one in a bustier, I became a man.

  2. Only you, dear Xx, could make an article about boobage sound entertaining without vulgarity, with the joy in the subject apparent.
    I think it was King Louis the IV (or was it XV?) who said that the perfect woman’s breast would fit perfectly in a champagne glass. I assume he was talking about the saucer-shaped glass and not a flute.

    Bravo, dear friend…well done!

    • Dear Ms. Blaise,
      As much as something… anything, I’d ever written pleased me, It gratifies me more that you liked one or any of them. Thank you.

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