Ya’ll know I’m from the South; but I don’t think you know too much about my crazy assed family, so I’m gonna just share with you some of the more ah, educated opinions they post back and forth on that shitty FaceBook thing. You know the one… where hurty-words aren’t allowed, but if you’re a Democrat you can say what you want and get away with it? Yeah, that FaceBook.
CNN and The Daily Mail are their go-to rags for all the important info of the day. You know, because those two always tell the TRUTH, and report real news.
They quote Joe Biden and they’re all positive they’ll die from the Chinky Pox, so they extol by way of virtue signal THE MASK. They’re the ones who daily update everyone on the Gloom and Doom numbers. They buy masks in all colors, styles, sizes; color coordinated to match those gargantuan brassieres that scarce hold up them big ol’ udders they haul around. Always first to bemoan the stupidity of anyone they deem dumber than their high and mighty selves.
But, I digress.
“I hate everybody today.”
“Girl me too. One little old lady came in as I was leaving and had her mask on. These other whores were running around, coughing on everything and I wanted to trip them. I’m using my hand sanitizer like lotion right now.”
“We have decided to stay at home voluntarily again. People have no common sense. Didn’t you know the virus is a hoax and tactics for election year?”
“I don’t blame you one bit. One reason I’m so happy I work alone now is because of this shit. When I go into the stores I’m gloved and masked up. Once I get home 7:00 or 8:00 a.m. I go nowhere unless I absolutely have to go to the store. And then I’m still social distancing. Somebody gets up on me I have to give them the look. I did forget about election year. You know how every election year there’s something to cause an uproar. I just want that orange stain out of the white house. I can’t wait to vote!”
And my personal favorite:
“Well… Get it together Facebook. Y’all getting boycotted for allowing racist and hateful speech on your app. But when I tried to share a picture of ‘he who shall not be named’ (don’t want y’all fighting on my post again) with a penis as his head and chin balls, Facebook was all over that one. They threatened to ban me.”
“If I was about 20 years younger I would have fought a man at Weigel’s. I didn’t like how he looked at my shirt.”
Here’s a message to you, cuz, If I lived closer I’d kick your ass up between them big fug ugly jug ears.
And Granny always liked me better.