Help Wanted

1. Do you have a functioning brain?
2. Do you require more than 40 hours per work week personal time off?
3. How often must your significant other report to his/her parole/probation officer? Do they have their own transportation, or must you drive him/her?
4. Are you capable of staying awake?
5. Are you punctual? By this I mean are you prepared to be here by noon, at the very least?
6. Are you taking your child’s ADHD drugs yourself?
7. Do you and your cell phone have an on-going love affair?
8. If you smoke, are you prepared to limit your smoke breaks to say… 10 a day?
9. Are you a thief?
10. I’m the friggin’ boss……
Ya dig??

Shit, I hate hiring new people..

The interviews began the 15th and ran through today. Twelve of them. All different, all unique . I finally narrowed it down to two good candidates to be second-interviewed next week. Bring ‘em on, I say. I’m so tired I could drop. Most of them were younger females looking for a career change. I guess a change from Taco Bell or Mickey D’s would be positive for anyone, though.
Out of them all, other than the two I chose, two others stood apart from the crowd. One was a mighty brawny lad of 25 who resembled a Sumo wrestler whose forte’ was “Goin’ out to their house and gettin’ the money”. I think he had an IQ of 12. He likes to “Hunt an’ fish, an’ go muddin’.”
The other was a young lady who was personable enough, but after I’d listened to her say for the tenth time she “Would love to work for our extinguished company”, I filed her resume’ in the appropriate spot as well.

The rest of the week will be sheer hell, so if you don’t hear from me by Sunday, call the undertaker.
Please send donations in lieu of flowers.
It costs a lot of money to have someone stuffed and mounted.