Ridin’ The Dawg

I’ve been invited to visit a few friends in Tennessee. As they live in an extremely remote little town and would have to drive 135 miles to the nearest airport, I’m relegated to riding a *gasp* Greyhound bus.

Off we go, then!
Woooo! On the Dawg w/ wifi and a window seat to myself!

I’m starving. Where’s the stewardess? Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the beverage cart, either.
No one up front to throw macadamia nuts to us? What kind of crap is this?
Complete standstill. Doesn’t look like road construction. Who really knows? With that wide tall mop of hair in front of me it’s hard to tell.
Moving along at snail pace now. Sign says road work 2 miles ahead. We should see it in about two hours.
Keep seeing food signs alongside the interstate. Still waiting for a cabin boy or something.
Now the guy in the seat behind me is standing over my head looking out the front windows. I’ve told him it’s road construction, but he’s still standing there. Much longer and I’m gonna shove a fist up his nose.
I wonder if Greyhound employees get paid extra for being extra effin’ rude?
Our driver needs a sock in her pie hole.. Mouth on her like a sailor.
The scummy dude across the aisle from me must be surfing porn. He’s turned that laptop sideways 14 times in the last 10 minutes. Keeps looking around at me to see if I’m watching what he’s watching. Yep… it’s porn.
Getting close to beautiful downtown Athens, TN now.
Rest stop at Athens. Stuck watching never-ending loop of Hillbilly Handfishin’ on a black and white TV for three hours.  Finally got something to eat.  A Moon Pie and something called an orange dope.
Re-boarding now. Looks like an Amish convention. And all 16 are boarding.
A woman with 2 farting small boys are sharing the seat next to me. Wonder what she fed them for lunch? Knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.

As God is my witness I’ll never go hungry or do this again.