I’ve Been Cooped Up Too Long

The crash of charging hamsters broke the morning silence; and why does my fridge sound like there are eggs boiling in it?
Apparently someone has given out my phone number upon securing some sort of credit for something that means dick to me. If my suspicions are correct, that someone can expect me to serve up his/her ass on a bed of hot rocks and nails; as the unsolicited collection calls and mail have greatly vexed me.
Hold up your head, act like a lady, carry a big purse… with a large caliber weapon and extra ammo.
Just wondering to myself how many women out there, out of desperation, and perhaps out of convenience, have cooked their bacon with a hair straightener.
According to the ads to the right of my precious FB real estate, I should pay attention to my real age, my jam box, and something about playing the hottest game for the hottest girls. If this is some sort of opt in/out research, can I make mega bucks participating, or should I be content in the knowledge that these are only subliminal messages designed to prompt me to insert a screwdriver into my eye?
And then there’s this:

About Lucia

Lucia is the 34-year-old owner of Lucky Lucia’s Bail Bonds. She is exciting and entertaining, but can also be very violent and a bit sneaky. She is an Italian firecracker who defines herself as straight. She has a post-graduate degree in glamour. Physically, Lucia is in pretty good shape. She is tall with bronze skin, dark auburn hair and brown eyes. She has a scar on her cheek from a tussle with Zack Vincent Ross. She is left-handed. Having never really known her parents, she was raised in a series of upper class foster homes. She is currently in a relationship with Brian Montgomery Anderson. Brian is 17 years older than her and owns one of her diamonds and a large conglomerate of whistle factories. Lucia’s best friend is an avid collector of men called D’arcy. They frequent classy nightclubs and have few scruples.

One Reply to “I’ve Been Cooped Up Too Long”

  1. Lu, as long as I have known you, you still manage to surprise me and make me laugh.
    But bacon cooked in hair straightener sounds dangerous…the fumes alone would kill you!

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