D’arcy Goes to Walmart

In a previous post, I mentioned I had never been to Walmart. Sure, I’ve seen the various “People of Walmart” posts, showing some of the more colorful customers to grace the aisles.

But I had never been to one.

So this weekend, God willing, I will lose my Walmart virginity. I am torn between dressing very sedate and boring, or saying “What the hell” and diving in my storage closet for something outrageous to see if I join the ranks of the Walmart cult.

So into the storage closet I go. First, the wig boxes: do I want to be blond, brunette, red head, black flapper bob, or dreadlocks? I rip open boxes, mostly of old Halloween costumes; sexy nun, bloody nurse, French maid, prairie dresses and old evening gowns. What to do – old evening gown with sneakers and dread locks? Or hot pants, fishnet stockings, orthopedic shoes, and a red wig?

(Rest assured that I will be well armed with anti-bacterial wipes, hand sanitizer, and a mask used by Dustin Hoffman in that epidemic movie, not to mention the biggest sunglasses since Jackie O.)

I’ll report back. Wish me luck!

About D'arcy

D'arcy grew up on an estate in upstate New York, surrounded by staff, with mostly absentee parents. Left to her own devices, she shunned school, read voraciously, and collected animals, first-edition volumes of her favorite books, and occasionally men. D'arcy recently moved out of her apartment on the UES of NYC with her cavachon pup, Aramis, and is currently living at her late parents estate while deciding on where to put down roots. The best way to get on her good side is to have a sense of humor, not take yourself too seriously, and be kind in general. Irritate her, and you'll be greeted with a laser look and a tongue lashing for the ages, and not the good kind.

13 Replies to “D’arcy Goes to Walmart”

  1. Generally speaking, I wear a smart suit jacket, kilt, and swim fins.

    As does my wife, who flinches at the sound of handbells and constantly forgets the name of her rich relatives in New Jersey that ran guns for the IRA…

    But she’s a DAMN GOOD COOK!

    I LOVE this blog!

    • It was a bit of a letdown, Happy. I wore my ugliest prairie dress and the dreadlock wig. No one even gave me a second look. I think Lu was right about the combat boots; they may have finished the outfit.
      But there’s always next time.

  2. If you don’t do the Walmart experience in pink pedal pushers, spiked heels, big poofy hair, pink framed sunglasses with sparkles, and a knock off Shalimar scent, I will think your heart isn’t in it.

    • Mr P, you just described Angelyne, the Beverly Hills icon who was famous for absolutely no reason whatsoever!
      Will have you know I wore a prairie dress and dreadlock wig, per Lucia’s suggestion. I made no impression on anyone there.
      I was so crestfallen, I didn’t even take a picture.
      But play your cards right and I’ll dress that way just for you.

      • Believe me, I have no fancies for that look and would deny ever having heard of you if you suggested to anyone I did.

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