It’s a Bit of a Pain

Author: Modesty

Named after a fictional British spy from the 1960s, she's a stickler for manners, tradition, and has a love of the finer things in life, mixed with a naughty sense of humor and a vocabulary, once released, could make a stevedore blush. She hates run-on sentences like the one you just read.

Darcy was catching up with Lucia, who was in Iceland with Gaspard. She had evidently forgiven him for being Belgian, instead of French; plus he loved her and spoiled her rotten. Darcy even noticed that some of the NY harshness in Lu’s speech had softened, she no longer sounded like a Mafia gun moll from the 30s.

“So, Darcy…enough about me. What’s going on with you?” Lucia asked. I sighed, not sure I was ready to talk about it. “Well, I told you I met a guy, and we’ve been going out.”

“Yeah? What’s he like?” “He’s nice; smart, good looking, funny…almost the perfect guy.”

“And the problem with that is? He sounds great.” Lucia squealed. I took a deep breath.

“He’s big.”

“What, like in tall?”

“No…the other kind of big. Enormous, actually.”

Peals of laughter came flying across the ocean.

“Oh, come on…you make him sound like he has a deformity!”

“Lu, it borders on a deformity. Think baby elephant trunk…the first time I saw it, I screamed.”

“You did not!!”

“Oh, yes I did! I told him that would never, ever make it to the Promised Land.”

“Aww, Darce…what did he say?”

“He looked sad; said he’s had that reaction all his life. Even buying clothes was a problem sometimes”

“Is there anything he can do?”

“It’s not like getting a breast reduction, Lu…No, I don’t think so.”

“So I guess you’re not going to see him again?”

“We’re having dinner tomorrow night.”

She dropped the phone, laughing…I swear she was rolling on the floor.