Ridin’ The Dawg

I’ve been invited to visit a few friends in Tennessee. As they live in an extremely remote little town and would have to drive 135 miles to the nearest airport, I’m relegated to riding a *gasp* Greyhound bus.

Off we go, then!
Woooo! On the Dawg w/ wifi and a window seat to myself!

I’m starving. Where’s the stewardess? Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the beverage cart, either.
No one up front to throw macadamia nuts to us? What kind of crap is this?
Complete standstill. Doesn’t look like road construction. Who really knows? With that wide tall mop of hair in front of me it’s hard to tell.
Moving along at snail pace now. Sign says road work 2 miles ahead. We should see it in about two hours.
Keep seeing food signs alongside the interstate. Still waiting for a cabin boy or something.
Now the guy in the seat behind me is standing over my head looking out the front windows. I’ve told him it’s road construction, but he’s still standing there. Much longer and I’m gonna shove a fist up his nose.
I wonder if Greyhound employees get paid extra for being extra effin’ rude?
Our driver needs a sock in her pie hole.. Mouth on her like a sailor.
The scummy dude across the aisle from me must be surfing porn. He’s turned that laptop sideways 14 times in the last 10 minutes. Keeps looking around at me to see if I’m watching what he’s watching. Yep… it’s porn.
Getting close to beautiful downtown Athens, TN now.
Rest stop at Athens. Stuck watching never-ending loop of Hillbilly Handfishin’ on a black and white TV for three hours.  Finally got something to eat.  A Moon Pie and something called an orange dope.
Re-boarding now. Looks like an Amish convention. And all 16 are boarding.
A woman with 2 farting small boys are sharing the seat next to me. Wonder what she fed them for lunch? Knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.

As God is my witness I’ll never go hungry or do this again.

 

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About Lucia

Lucia is the 34-year-old owner of Lucky Lucia’s Bail Bonds. She is exciting and entertaining, but can also be very violent and a bit sneaky. She is an Italian firecracker who defines herself as straight. She has a post-graduate degree in glamour. Physically, Lucia is in pretty good shape. She is tall with bronze skin, dark auburn hair and brown eyes. She has a scar on her cheek from a tussle with Zack Vincent Ross. She is left-handed. Having never really known her parents, she was raised in a series of upper class foster homes. She is currently in a relationship with Brian Montgomery Anderson. Brian is 17 years older than her and owns one of her diamonds and a large conglomerate of whistle factories. Lucia’s best friend is an avid collector of men called D’arcy. They frequent classy nightclubs and have few scruples.

2 Replies to “Ridin’ The Dawg”

  1. Wifi yes, beverage cart… erm.. no. Drive? Hire a driver? You blaspheme!

  2. D'arcy on said:

    Lu, what planet do you live on?? One does not get beverage or snack service riding the Dawg, nor do they have wifi. I don’t know; maybe they do, but I haven’t been on one for 20 years.
    Next time, either rent a car or get a driver.

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